I’m a tinkerer and not the magical kind from Pixie Hollow. Just the average gal who loves to eat tacos.

Wouldn't life be so much more amazing if tacos were the answer?  and my eye wouldn't twitch as much. 

I stare at the computer all day… Careful, Kai. People lose their job over things like this. Yet I here I am. And we’re talking about work because I’m frustrated. Not at my boss and certainly not at the people I work with. I’m getting frustrated because I’m not grasping things as quickly as I should. Or as quickly as I expect myself to. 

Maybe I should move this box two clicks to the left. Is that good enough? Cmd + Z times 10. Nevermind. 3:17pm. It’s been an hour and I’ve got nothing to show for it. 4:37pm. I’m hungry. I should get tacos after work. I really need to finish this. Coffee. I need to read more books. I wonder if Mom noticed I’ve been buying books on her account…

Mind you this is the condensed version. This is what goes on in my head for hours. It’s excruciating. I’d like to think I’m finally getting it, but I’m not there yet. I still feel overwhelmed. I forget the bigger picture, and I tinker.

Like all things, mastery takes time. I have to keep reminding myself that skill doesn't happen overnight. Just like dancing. And once I've got the moves down, I can add flavor. Freestyling is different and quite difficult. I can’t just summon the bad bitch in me like when I’m dancing in my room by myself. That takes a lot of confidence and practice. But I’m learning everyday and I’m willing to do the work to become the artist I envision myself to be on the dance floor and on the computer.

I did manage to get everything done this week so I celebrated. There's a small tea shop in Old Town Pasadena called Jin and I got the usual—medium roasted oolong, 0% sweetened, normal ice—after work. I didn’t even bother to contain myself from dancing ridiculously in my car to my Spotify playlist. You’ve seen my people. We entertain.

I digress. I do fiddle relentlessly and not just at work. I realize that I’ve been working so damn hard for so damn long to be perfect. I wasn’t even trying to be perfect for me; I was busy trying to be the kind of perfect other people wanted or needed me to be. I tinkered every which way to fix myself—and I wasn’t even broken to begin with. 

You aren’t broken either. We are, each of us, perfect in our own way. So let's celebrate our quirkiness. It's about damn time we start loving ourselves. You go, Glen Coco!

Every morning, the she peeks through our curtains and greets us with so much love. She reminds us every single day to shine with her. Never have I felt so in tune with who I am. I’m learning to appreciate myself by speaking up for myself. We’re finally focusing on the bigger picture: Happiness. And it starts with ourselves. To attract happiness in our lives, we need to find what makes us happy. It’s okay to be selfish when it comes to that. This is what I envision kaiffeinated.com to be—a journey towards happiness by documenting over-caffeinated car dancing episodes. We’ve got the big picture down. Now we get to have fun and get tangled in the details. 

Always celebrate the sunshine that you are,
- Kai